I was recently asked by an interviewer to describe my dream iPhone game, the game I would produce if unfettered by the confines of marketability and social norms. I answered earnestly, but was ultimately shut down by OML’s other half, Alex Okafor, the dream policeman. He called my dreams “creepy” and “probably illegal”. So I agreed to provide the interviewer with a watered-down answer, one that did not reflect my true passions as a game designer, as long as I was allowed pour my heart out to our true fans: the OML blog readers.

And now I am proud to present the uncensored schematics for my dream iPhone game:

“I have a couple of dream projects. My favorite is like a Tickle Me Elmo, but it’s better because you can take him around with you in your pocket, on your iPhone. You can tickle him all over and wear headphones, so that only you can hear how happy you are making Elmo. That way what happens between Elmo and me stays private, instead of everyone staring and possibly misinterpreting.

The best part is that you can use the phone’s camera to take pictures of strangers, and then you can tickle the strangers. That adds a social aspect to the game, and contributes to my premise of ‘touching the world’. You could even upload and share your favorite strangers with your friends, or with other strangers!”

In other news

Someone changed our banner to tease next month’s new update, but they forgot to show off the new weapon. They just put a question mark! I’ll get on that ASAP.

Having survived the update deadline crunch, Alex and I are now happily sweeping up bits of awards and polish that weren’t quite ready in time for Gauntlet’s release. A minor update will hit your device this month. A major update will explode your device next month. So start saving up for a new device.

My gift to you:

My personal iTouch wallpaper. If you put this on your iTouch and set it next to mine, I’ll probably be baffled! If you don’t understand why this wallpaper is great, then you didn’t get a 700 combo. If you can’t get a 700 combo, feel free to use a more accessible wallpaper.

“lol i wonder if the app store will allow the [Code Red] description to be “classic mode on crack” cuz doesnt that violate some drug reference rule or something”

That’s a difficult question, and I’m glad you asked. Technically, it’s justifiable for Apple to reject our update if we don’t disclose that as a drug reference and change our rating accordingly. There’s no double meaning to it; crack is crack. On the other hand, it may be permissible because it doesn’t imply that any people are using the crack, just that a game mode is experiencing the effects of crack metaphorically. It’s not actually illegal for an abstract noun to use metaphor crack, which I believe eliminates the controversy altogether. In the interest of delivering the update on time, though, we may want to tread softly on this explosive topic. Tempers run high in the war on crack.

Tilt to Live will be on sale for 99¢ all this weekend, March 12th through 14th! So if a dollar has been standing between you and this five-star title, then let us hold that digit at bay so that you may act! But beware the Ides of March. Like its namesake, the Assassination of Julius Caesar Sale will be BETRAYED AND MURDERED ON MARCH 15th.

I dunno. Looks new… and not the right colors. I wonder if there will be some kind of big announcement about it on TouchArcade on Friday, March 19th? If only someone inside One Man Left Studios could confirm or deny that oddly specific suspicion!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Internets and Outernets. After an arduous journey fraught with eye strain, we present Tilt to Live, a catchy little iDevice game about the genocide of red dots. Little known fact: the dots are a metaphor for your troubles. And the weapons represent… I guess beer or a nice jog.

Keep an eye on this blog for news on Tilt to Live updates, other project announcements, and our secret feelings.

With the release accomplished, I guess it’s time to turn our attention to marketing, the land of redundant emails and home of the promo code holocaust. I’ll close with a rejected tag line from our impending marketing campaign:

“Tilt to Live: Not a game you can play on a seesaw.”